How to ditch Single Sadness Syndrome
Q: Hi Athena,
Thanks for taking the time to answer my question. I absolutely hate, I mean HATE being single. I feel like Valentine’s Day is a cruel joke played by a universe over run with happy couples who like to see single people suffer. If I could, I would yell at all those PDA loving couples who unlike me are set on their pathway to love (and did I mention – hot sex?). When is my “one & only” going to come along and sweep me off my feet? I’m 28 years old and feel like time is just ticking away. I don’t want to end up all alone. What can I do to attract a partner? – Frightfully alone – Jessica
V-day can bring up all sorts of emotional stuff and I’m sure a lot of readers out there feel similarly to you.
Feeling unloved and alone can be frightening but if you take a step back and self-reflect, you may discover what is beneath the surface of your feelings (particularly your feelings of frustration & hate).
Is your self-worth dependent on someone else’s love?
What do you think it says about you that you are single & in your own words, frightfully alone?
Being single can be wildly liberating.
You’re free to ‘be’ in whatever way you choose without the responsibility of actually having to consider another person.
You also don’t have to be in a long-term, committed relationship to have hot sex.
So this intense lack that you are experiencing is what needs your attention at this point in time.
What would happen if you re-directed your energy from finding your ‘one & only’ and placed it onto having the most joyful, liberating time that you could possibly have – right now?
Your relationship with yourself is one of the most important relationships that you will ever have.
So ask yourself this, if someone else had to treat you the way you’ve been treating yourself, would you be happy?
The most powerful way to expand is by stepping into the unknown and embracing that which frightens you – i.e. aloneness.
You may find that the minute you stop placing all your attention on what you don’t have (i.e. a partner) and start focusing on what you do have, your frustration shifts which in turn alters your experience.
5 Steps to Stopping Single Sadness Syndrome
*Be kind towards yourself.
*Become mindful of what you are saying to yourself on a daily basis. If you discover that your inner critic (i.e. that voice inside your head) is cruel to you, shift it with these proven tools + strategies.
*Ditch the tick-tock of the clock – worrying about it doesn’t slow it down anyway.
*Enjoy your singledom whilst you can, you may find that you miss aspects of it when you are in a relationship.
Lastly, lacking love, sabotaging love and tolerating bad relationships is often linked to internal, unconscious programming which is hardwired to keep you replaying past pains or familial patterning.
The good news is that you can bust through this programming.
You can watch my video interview with, relationship expert and licensed psychotherapist, Terri Cole on this. We also talk about how you can attract real love into your life and how to integrate awareness into the patterning that is your life.
P.S. This Q&A was originally featured in my #AskAthena column in Cosmopolitan Magazine. If you have a question for me you can e-mail or tweet me.
P.P.S Get my free LOVE BREAKTHROUGH audio course below