Cosmopolitan Column: How to get the love you want

#AskAthena Cosmopolitan magazine column on ho w to reclaim your inner power and move confidently forward


Getting the love you want

(This Q&A was originally featured in the #AskAthena  Self-Help Column in Cosmopolitan Magazine)


I’m in a confusing relationship with a friend. He has a girlfriend and a child. We had sex once and now he says that he can’t wait to kiss me and do it again. I seem to always attract guys that are unavailable. What’s wrong with me? Thanks, Fudlin.


Dear Fudlin,

First and foremost nothing is wrong with you!

Getting the love you want is a process that requires introspection and healing core love wounds. If you are consistently attracting unavailable men this tells me that you may be the common thread here, not them. This is nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, it just speaks to the inner power that you have to turn this situation around because it’s more about you than it is about them. I’m also wondering what your thoughts around the situation are.  Did you think he would leave her for you? Or did you think that was all you could get?


If you think that you are only worthy of being someone’s second choice, then that is exactly what you will attract and accept. Athena Laz's Tweet That


Sometimes we perpetuate old, unhealthy patterns of beliefs that inform our actions because we are actually unaware that we hold these opinions about ourselves and the world around us. For example, you may have a deep-seated belief that you are unworthy or that commitment/intimacy is too frightening, so you act in a way that only makes you available to men who are committed. The good news is that this cycle can be interrupted by gaining awareness of your core beliefs around love, sex, intimacy, relationship dynamics and self-worth. Listen to this free audio course on how to recognize these beliefs here and watch the video below.



You can transform any fear-based, limiting beliefs about love and your own worthiness that may be keeping you stuck in unsatisfying relationships. It’s never too late to learn how to attract healthy and long lasting love in your life. You are worthy of good, loving partnerships.  Take the first step towards it by healing your history.

Athena Laz is the founder of, where she uses her skill as a licensed psychologist, self-help author & columnist to help others find their inner power.

P.S. Had a similar experience? Tell us, how you handled it by leaving a comment in the section below.

P.P.S. Want to ask me a question, email me here.



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