Stepping Out of Fear
Back in 2010, I was in a romantic relationship that I knew was unhealthy. I remember knowing, deeply knowing, that I needed to end the relationship for both our sake but I was afraid. I was afraid of the change and loss that would inevitably accompany the break-up. I was also afraid that my worst-case scenario would come to be. Immobilized by fear, I began to lose my connection to my inner power.
I was locked between feeling unhappy within the relationship and being equally afraid of stepping out of the relationship. I would lie there at night (with him fast asleep next to me) and think ‘I want to leave but I can’t right now, moving is just too hard. ’ I used that excuse day in and day out in order to stay right where I was –stuck. Locked in unhappiness and fearful of the unknown, I refused to face the fact that I was actively choosing my circumstances.
On some level I knew that I was lying to myself but I just didn’t believe that I had the inner power to face what I was going through. I didn’t believe in myself enough. So there I was repeating the same excuse over and over, ‘it’s too hard to pack up and move right now – even though I want to’. I must have repeated that to myself over a hundred times.
At the height of my frustration and excuse-making, a freak flash flood swept through our neighbourhood seriously damaging three houses. Of course, one was mine. The flood literally washed away the excuse I had so desperately clung to. My possessions were either destroyed or packed up by people who came to support us the next day.
“Problem solved”. I was no longer required to remain where I was. I could leave unencumbered. It was a thunderous sign so obvious in nature that I was forced to face what I had been avoiding. I needed to start listening. I could no longer hide, numb or avoid my pain. A day or two later, we broke up and I began the slow process of returning to myself.
The flood showed me that I had always been in connection with the Universe, even in the height of my fear when I felt completely disconnected. Even when I had tried to consciously shut down my inner world; the Universe had still been listening. When I recognized this I actively began to consciously co-create my life because I knew I could. As can you.
Two years after that experience, I also realized the perfection that was that flood. How the force of change in my life was delivered through the means of overflowing water and how important that it was delivered to me in this way. Water is equally symbolic of our emotions and our intuitive gifts. Both of which I was desperately trying to avoid prior to the flood. When the flood happened, it literally and figuratively washed away that which was no longer working for me. I could no longer deny my intuition and I also couldn’t ignore how I was feeling. I needed to acknowledge my truth.
If you are locked in self-doubt and fear right now, take comfort in the fact that your inner power is waiting for you to claim it. You can begin by simply acknowledging that this may be true for you. Fear may whisper that this is not the case. I am suggesting that it is. No matter your fear, you have the power to move beyond it.