How To Trust More and Fear Less
If you are locked in self-doubt and fear right now, take comfort in the fact that you will not be stuck in this state for much longer.
You can begin by simply acknowledging that this is the time to release what is holding you back.
Fear may whisper that this is not the case. I am suggesting that it is.
Step 1: Acknowledge where you are right now
In my virtual practice, I always ask my clients to tell me exactly where they find themselves in this current moment. It is unhelpful to pretend that a bad situation is good or that if you cover enough negativity with pleasantries that it will cease to be negative. Accepting where you are right now begins with acknowledging what is and is not working for you. Maybe your life is amazing at the moment and there is a part of you that is afraid that you will loose your good feeling state if things change? When you can look at your fear and understand that there is a part of you that is not in a state of trust, you can begin to move through it.
Step 2: Have a heart to heart with your fear
Close your eyes and allow yourself to feel the tension you are currently experiencing.
If you are aware of Ujjayi breathing (practice for 5 mins). If not, simply close your eyes and take a deep breath in and out for the count of 5, per exhale and inhale. When your body and breathing have come into sync, ask your fear to show you what it is trying to protect you from. Know that you are safe in this process and at anytime you can simply open your eyes and come back to center.
Step 3: Thank your fear for showing you what you need to transmute
It takes courage to look at what you are afraid of. The moment you can acknowledge your fear and name it, it looses it’s tight grip on you. That’s because the unknown can feel so much more overwhelming than the actual thing itself.
Step 4: Get ready for a break-through
Declare out loud that you are no longer willing to be afraid. You have the inner resources to handle any and every thing that comes your way.
Step 5: Move towards acceptance
Each and every time that you are hurt by something it feels a little riskier to be brave and open up the following time. This is survival instinct at its best, priming you to find emotional safety against pain and the unknown. But here’s the thing; if you want your life to be different you have to become okay with change. You have to trust that the pain, the change and that the unknown is clearing the path for something better to come.
If you are tired of dating partners who disrespect your time and your boundaries, you are required to change (raise) your standards. This is an exercise in both self-worth and the art of allowing. Maybe the next date won’t be that much better but this time you don’t settle. You don’t pick up their calls to distract you from the reality of where you are right now or from your loneliness. You persevere, you treat yourself better with no expectation of another person doing that for you. Then down the line when you do meet someone who values and respects you, it feels so right because you’ve already been treating yourself well. You’re not second guessing their behavior (or yours for that matter) because you know exactly what it feels like to be in a loving relationship. You’ve been in one with yourself.
Getting comfortable with change is a continual learning process, to which there is no magical formula that will help you by-pass the grit of it. That said I can promise you this, every time that you refine and change what you are willing to tolerate you expand and that in itself is liberating. That’s the gift of the grit. The ability to unfold into someone you can’t even imagine yourself to be right now. When you say, ‘no thanks’ this is not for me and ‘yes please’ more of this, you are actively claiming your inner power. You are expanding into your inner power because you are using the process of change to help you instead of hold you back. You are trusting in your inner power. You are trusting in the power of change.
At the same time, when you are busting your upper limits and changing things you are on the precipice of exciting times, this can create anxiety and tension. This doesn’t mean that you should stop and that your feelings are unhealthy; it means that you are just dealing with change. The feeling of anxiety and the sensation of excitement often get intertwined for me and perhaps it is the same for you?
When I stopped perceiving my anxiety/excitement as a ‘bad’ thing, I automatically began to handle change better. I could recognize it for what it simply was- my body and mind processing and responding to what I was going through. You can also help your mind and body, in any process of change by taking actions that help you to feeling calmer. It’s also helpful to note that anxiety related to change isn’t the same thing as experiencing chronic anxiety or panic attacks. If you are experiencing either please seek further psychological assistance to aid you in your process of healing because you really do deserve to feel good. What I am talking about here is the anxiety that comes from stepping into the unknown for which change is the catalyst.
Re-claiming your inner power requires trusting that you can expand and move forward even when (especially when) if it feels uncomfortable to do so. The instinct is to fall back into what feels familiar but familiarity is impeding your growth. You have to call in change and allow yourself to be okay with the discomfort that it brings. In this sense, discomfort is your liberator. You are being liberated from the old and discomfort is showing you the path forward. You are expanding. Although you may have no idea what the new feels like, you are declaring that the old is no longer for you. You feel emotionally safe enough to welcome in the new. You are embracing your inner power.
Step 6: Forgive ‘Change’
Find a time and space where you will not be disturbed and have a notebook or journal ready. Today you will be writing a letter to the change as if Change were a person. This letter can be as long or short as you like. This exercise is aimed at helping you explore how you feel towards (all or a specific) times of change. Don’t overthink it, just let the words flow. When you are finished writing the letter honor your feelings by acknowledging what has come up for you. Some of my clients end this practice by burning the letters they’ve written in a fireproof bowl. Others prefer to keep their letters and then practice a gratitude exercise which involves thanking every sentence written for the lesson involved. The choice is yours.
Step 7: Trust in Something Bigger Than You
I read something the other day that says the ‘stats’ of being born is something like 4 trillion to one!! Isn’t that incredible? For all our guessing life is innately a mystery. That said, I believe that the Universe (use whatever semantic term you prefer G-d/Source/ Life) is intrinsically magical and learning to trust in that is where true strength comes from. When you take a step back and look at the bigger picture you can lessen your grip on control and move towards trusting and letting go. I use the mantra below to help me when I feel less at ease.
Words of Power: Destruction is temporary. My connection to the Universe is permanent.